Bad Sex Is the Only Safe Pre-Marital Sex

So I was thinking about pre-marital sex while sipping on a cold beer this evening. I recently met a man who I enjoyed very much having sex with and would like to continue with this affair. Although we have only had sex twice and have known each other for a week, I would certainly like to get to know him better, especially in the biblical sense. This brief dalliance got me thinking about women and their emotional attachments to men.

If sex with the above mentioned man was terrible, I probably wouldn't wanted to get to "know" him any better. I would not have hurt feelings if he never called and I certainly wouldn't have spent any more than one therapy session discussing it. This brought to mind one of the reasons given to women to abstain from intercourse until they are married...they get emotionally attached to their partner and eventually become love sick and then heart broken when the lover abandons them.

If this truly is the case, and your lover is not what you expected him to be during coitus, either he is too small, too big, not skilled, selfish, or his spunk has a funk, should we assume that women will stick around with less than satisfying partners because of this magical emotional bond people so frequently attach to premarital sex. So granted, there are chemical reasons for such attachments such as oxytocin. But I ask, is this hormone so strong that women really aren't capable of distancing themselves from the bundles of blasphemy with whom they lay?

So if I use the faulty logic I learned way back in grade school, then one could assume that it is alright to have pre-marital sex if you are sure you will not get emotionally attached. Because emotional attachment will lead to eventual heart break, and what woman can function in her daily life with such an affliction? (I don't mean to offend those who really feel the pangs of a lost love, but for arguments sake, lets assume this is casual sex we are talking about.) So instead of abstaining from sex, until you are married, I ask you, maybe the key to this impending emotional travesty is bad sex.

Girls, lets go out and have bad sex, because only married women deserve fulfilling sex lives. Just be sure that it is protected, because who wants to avoid heart ache just to get the clap?