Feminist Over Night

For the longest time I have been faced with various dichotomous internal struggles. This has been very damaging because I have never really had a concrete identity. When asked to say something about myself, I never had a response that I was willing to admit. In fact, I once even proclaimed that I loved gin while introducing myself to a class. I know it made me sound like an alcoholic but I would rather be that than admit that my depression consumed me and I didn't know where my place in the world was.

It is hard having to pretend to be somebody that I am not not, and while being "fake" is usually a bad thing, nobody wants a debby downer in their midst, and they make exceptions for people in my situation. If you met me, you would have no idea that it is I that is writing this. And I hope to keep it that way.

Although I am sounding very dark, I have to admit that I have never been suicidal. I believe that is in part due to all of the hopes I hold for the future and also to my religion. And that brings me to my first dichotomous struggle resolved. How can I be a feminist and also a Christian. I have always felt like i could only be one or the other and after reading Jessica Valenti's The Purity Myth, everything seemed to get a little more clear. Not only did I finally admit to myself that I was a victim of sexual assault, I also realized that I could be both a Christian and a Feminist, and not feel guilty about either. And to those who don't believe I can be both; your narrow mindedness is regrettable, but not my problem. Thank you Miss Valenti for helping me to find my voice after 3 years of suffering.

Back to my new found clarity...

While on a road trip to visit my family, I was thinking about abortions and I recalled an incident, when I told the guy I was with at the time that my period was late. His response was, "well are you pro- life or pro- choice?" It was then that I started to really feel for the cause. If pro- choice is being associated with pro- abortion, boy are we in trouble. How can sex be so meaningful if there are no consequences, I thought. I knew I wouldn't have an abortion if I were pregnant, but I couldn't answer with I am pro- life, because that would be a lie. I had to correct him and let him know it is much more complicated than that, but at the time I didn't think much more beyond that.

Even after that event, I still naturally associated pro-choice as meaning pro- abortion. As a result, my argument to others in support of being pro-choice was very weak because. I was ignorant. The knowledge I had about abortions was from either a high school law class or from the my very conservative colleagues. I knew that that a woman should have a say in her future and what happens to her body, but I was limited because of my lack of sufficient information and the feelings of guilt I had because of the religious associations of the Pro- life camp.

Pro- Life is such a biased term and I have to congratulate the person who coined it. I caught myself saying that I was not pro- life and I felt bad about it, because who doesn't love life? I feel like to use such a term is unfair in such a debate. To not be pro- life seems like it would be un- American, because what is America all about? Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Life is the most precious and esteemed thing that a person can have, and what being Pro- Life forgets is that liberty and happiness exist as well. Women are entitled to life, but what about liberty, and even happiness? Maybe being a mother isn't a part of the happiest life they can lead. So please, Pro- lifers, stop lying to Americans with your cunning words, just say who you are: Anti- Woman.

Being Pro- Choice doesn't mean that you are anti- Life, like those Pro- Lifers would like to think. What it actually is, is being Pro- Woman. So ladies, don't be fooled by the political rhetoric. Express your love for yourselves by supporting women in their want for equal rights. If you are anti- abortion, don't also be anti- woman, don't limit them in their fight for their life, liberty, and happiness, because by doing so, you are the tyrant that our founding fathers sought to escape.

To be a woman is a very wonderful thing in our modern times, and to think that in the 21st century, people are still fighting over who has the final say over a woman's body is astonishing. What good is the right to vote, if we don't use it to take control of our lives and bodies. Forget the equal pay bullshit, money isn't everything, life is, so fight for your own life.

As a Christian, the Golden rule was to love ones neighbor as they loved themselves. These days, the standards by which we treat others are pretty low with all of the self loathing taking place. Your body shouldn't be your prison, it should be your temple. All of the self- hatred we are taught is un- Christian to say the least. How are we to hate something that God created and ignore the beauty in it? God allows for many miracles to happen, the ability to make life is just one of them. Why is it that procreation is set above all the other miracles that people are so quick to ignore and destroy?

We as humans see ourselves as the most important thing in the Universe. The presumptuousness aside, the ability to think and express free will allows for this biased assumption. It is that which sets us apart from the animals. This right to choose is what Pro- Choice advocates are looking for. To allow man the right to make his own decisions and not women violates our Golden Rule. To me it seem pretty clear that the ability to make decisions and not be driven by instinct, it is a blessing. How can any one of God's creations be anymore important than another? Free- will should be the most distinguishing factor that separates us from the animals and yet, women are not provided that same right as men. Denying our right to choose is denying a gift from God.

So how dare people make me feel guilty for supporting women. We are human beings, we have the same right to choose, which is a blessing in and of itself. I choose to not utilize abortion services and I also choose be a Christian. Just because that is what I want, doesn't necessarily mean it will be what my neighbor wants. So don't pull that holier than thou bullshit because it doesn't fly, you cannot keep up this divorce of womanhood and their faith. By doing the best you can do for yourself, you are praising God. So follow your heart and don't let politics get you down, because when everything is said and done, all you have is yourself, and if you're lucky, a wonderful group of friends that will help you get through some of the darkest moments of your life.